He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
