she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
