I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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