he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
