Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
