I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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