I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Randomize
