girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize