WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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