I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
