Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
