Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
