Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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