I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
try to milk me bitch
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
