I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I party with great urgency now.
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