It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
