I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
My feet surprised me
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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