dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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