You kept calling me your small dog last night.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
