I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
