Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
