I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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