As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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