shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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