all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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