I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize