I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
