god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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