did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
birth control should be required to get into college
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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