if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Randomize
