do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
