Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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