i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
