Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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