I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
