just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
