I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
