So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Holy sore nipples Batman
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
