I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Randomize