Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize