I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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