OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
