There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
