That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Randomize
