That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
