I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
try to milk me bitch
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize