I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
