In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
