Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
