There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
oh god the rape fog is back!
Duck Duck Cougar?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
