Don't you send me to vm
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
It's just like the Real World with babies
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize