Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
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