oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
