Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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