it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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