so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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