Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
