I like to think it a success when the cops are called
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
