I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
