are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
