The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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