i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
