Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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