is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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