and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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