Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
