So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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