It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize