I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
