You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
