I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
