Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
